Purpose has been lacking from my life as long as i remember..Indecision is a part of that parcel... i never knew what i wanted to do.... till now. FINALLY. I want to teach.. Teach anatomy as long as i live.. The look of a student who has understood what i taught them is the most satisfaction i have got from anything in my life...
And lo behold destiny has to get indecision back into my life.. the million dollar question .. where do i join...
do i go for money or do i go for a career.. do i go south or do i go north..( the west east debate hasnt come up yet) .. do i work in a hospital for money or do i wile away my time staring at my computer screen for 12-14 hrs(which isnt painful.. im not suffering... to the people who feel sorry for me) ..
Rewind 11 years back.. INDECISION (copyright 'the daily show') 2002 .. Got into a college in US for a undergrad degree in an average university.. not that i cared bcz i didnt know what i wanted to do in my life... but i passed on it.. came to india did my entrances and somehow, miraculously i got a mbbs seat.. THe medical profession came a knocking and i didnt know what else to do so ... a doctor i will be..
Fast forward 8 years.. INDECISION 2008.. OK, i passed out .. 6 years of life changing events.. a girlfriend, exams, treating patients, seeing patients die, realizing who i am... but wait .. still dont know what i want to do.. its like nothing had changed.. so i start working bcz i have to stand up on my two feet now..
Fast Forward 2... INDECISION 2013.. 5 years have passed... 5 years which changed my perspective towards life, towards me.. Learnt to accept who i am.. what i am... realised i loved anatomy.. realised i love teaching.. realised u can do wrong even when u have the best intentions.. realised that i needed to change my mind.. so many realisations.. still stuck with indecision .. its like a tattoo on my life..
So here I am.. 28 years unemployed since 60 days.. waiting for a 'chance' to fall into my lap cos i still havent learnt to seize life by the horns..Ego and ethics.. 2 Es which are tearing me from the inside.. lack of tolerance - the thing i have preached my students to gain the most seems to have deserted me...
The rules which are toughest to live by are the ones u prescribe for others.. Pretty sure moses had a tough time following the ten commandments.. Pretty sure there are cardiologists who smoke..Pretty sure there are lovers that hate...
So hope what lies ahead clears the confusion in my head.. removes the tattoo.. Hope life is simple.. just me, my career, my students ( and lots of food, basketball and movies.. DUH!.. no compromises anymore.. theres time for everything)...
till next time...
And lo behold destiny has to get indecision back into my life.. the million dollar question .. where do i join...
do i go for money or do i go for a career.. do i go south or do i go north..( the west east debate hasnt come up yet) .. do i work in a hospital for money or do i wile away my time staring at my computer screen for 12-14 hrs(which isnt painful.. im not suffering... to the people who feel sorry for me) ..
Rewind 11 years back.. INDECISION (copyright 'the daily show') 2002 .. Got into a college in US for a undergrad degree in an average university.. not that i cared bcz i didnt know what i wanted to do in my life... but i passed on it.. came to india did my entrances and somehow, miraculously i got a mbbs seat.. THe medical profession came a knocking and i didnt know what else to do so ... a doctor i will be..
Fast forward 8 years.. INDECISION 2008.. OK, i passed out .. 6 years of life changing events.. a girlfriend, exams, treating patients, seeing patients die, realizing who i am... but wait .. still dont know what i want to do.. its like nothing had changed.. so i start working bcz i have to stand up on my two feet now..
Fast Forward 2... INDECISION 2013.. 5 years have passed... 5 years which changed my perspective towards life, towards me.. Learnt to accept who i am.. what i am... realised i loved anatomy.. realised i love teaching.. realised u can do wrong even when u have the best intentions.. realised that i needed to change my mind.. so many realisations.. still stuck with indecision .. its like a tattoo on my life..
So here I am.. 28 years unemployed since 60 days.. waiting for a 'chance' to fall into my lap cos i still havent learnt to seize life by the horns..Ego and ethics.. 2 Es which are tearing me from the inside.. lack of tolerance - the thing i have preached my students to gain the most seems to have deserted me...
The rules which are toughest to live by are the ones u prescribe for others.. Pretty sure moses had a tough time following the ten commandments.. Pretty sure there are cardiologists who smoke..Pretty sure there are lovers that hate...
So hope what lies ahead clears the confusion in my head.. removes the tattoo.. Hope life is simple.. just me, my career, my students ( and lots of food, basketball and movies.. DUH!.. no compromises anymore.. theres time for everything)...
till next time...
indecision isnt a tatoo...but a hovering phase of life which keeps you from being reckless and overly confident..it shall pass too...u have always made the right choices...(or made turned them right)...and you shall make even better in future...what you need now is confidence to tide over this phase..cheers!!
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