Movies, Movies...

1. Babette's feast - 3.5-4 stars... simple story, well shot, well acted. Amazing looking food. the simplicity of the story is the main feature that will 'get' you.

2. Born into brothels - 3.5 stars. One woman's crusade to get prostitutes' kids educated. decently enuf made. soundtrack cud have been better. the kids are the main attraction of this film.

3. American splendor - 3.5 stars. Cynical humor type of movie. Black humour. The leads are good so they make the movie move faster than it is. Interesting true story.

Movie reviews to follow...

Nothing much else to do nowadays.. so thought wud start one day one movie (minimum) reviews..
1. All quiet on the Western Front - Very well made. 4-4.5 stars. Different outlook towards war as far as war movies goes. well acted..
2. Triplets of Belleville - 4 stars. Beautifully animated. Smart concept. Interesting soundtrack.
3. Beau travail - Weird movie. Interestingly shot and acted. Watch for the end credits

More to continue....

Purpose!

Purpose has been lacking from my life as long as i remember..Indecision is a part of that parcel... i never knew what i wanted to do.... till now. FINALLY. I want to teach.. Teach anatomy as long as i live.. The look of a student who has understood what i taught them is the most satisfaction i have got from anything in my life...
And lo behold destiny has to get indecision back into my life.. the million dollar question .. where do i join...
do i go for money or do i go for a career.. do i go south or do i go north..( the west east debate hasnt come up yet) .. do i work in a hospital for money or do i wile away my time staring at my computer screen for 12-14 hrs(which isnt painful.. im not suffering... to the people who feel sorry for me) ..
Rewind 11 years back.. INDECISION (copyright 'the daily show')  2002 .. Got into a college in US for a undergrad degree in an average university.. not that i cared bcz i didnt know what i wanted to do in my life... but i passed on it.. came to india did my entrances and somehow, miraculously i got a mbbs seat.. THe medical profession came a knocking and i didnt know what else to do so ... a doctor i will be..
Fast forward 8 years.. INDECISION 2008.. OK, i passed out .. 6 years of life changing events.. a girlfriend, exams, treating patients, seeing patients die, realizing who i am... but wait .. still dont know what i want to do.. its like nothing had changed.. so i start working bcz i have to stand up on my two feet now..
Fast Forward 2... INDECISION 2013.. 5 years have passed... 5 years which changed my perspective towards life, towards me.. Learnt to accept who i am.. what i am... realised i loved anatomy.. realised i love teaching.. realised u can do wrong even when u have the best intentions.. realised that i needed to change my mind.. so many realisations.. still stuck with indecision .. its like a tattoo on my life..
So here I am.. 28 years unemployed since 60 days.. waiting for a 'chance' to fall into my lap cos i still havent learnt to seize life by the horns..Ego and ethics.. 2 Es which are tearing me from the inside.. lack of tolerance - the thing i have preached my students to gain the most seems to have deserted me...
The rules which are toughest to live by are the ones u prescribe for others.. Pretty sure moses had a tough time following the ten commandments.. Pretty sure there are cardiologists who smoke..Pretty sure there are lovers that hate...
So hope what lies ahead clears the confusion in my head.. removes the tattoo.. Hope life is simple.. just me, my career, my students ( and lots of food, basketball and movies.. DUH!.. no compromises anymore.. theres time for everything)...
till next time...

Its all RELATIVE!!

No this is not a post abt uncles, parents or siblings. (for a later date) . . . This is abt people judging others (no saint here . . .am one of u . . ) . .
lets start with example no 1 . now all of us want things in life . .and some us have the means to buy things now . .  some will in a few years be able to afford those things . . what i always find is interesting is the same person who finds a thing a waste of money few years back and judges another for (i.e. cue the ' he wastes money' comment) spending the money and casually buys the same thing a few years later when he has the means . . Cue MY theory of relativity (i know u science nerds and big bang fans prefer Einsteins . . . but i guess thats relative ;)) . . .
now money is one the most fascinating things in the world . People are always in the race towards it . . some marry for it , some take a course for it  . . some give bribes . .  some take bribes . . some cheat for it . .  some work for it . .Irony is some dont realise even why they do it . . some for family . . some for themselves. . . some just for collecting it . .  so many reasons very few get fulfilled . . was just talking abt it to my friend recently how our appreciation of money changes  . . when we were small 1 rupee meant so much (4 25p orange sweets . .  10 spinning mints etc etc  . .)  as we grow older 100 rs seems a big amt.  .as we grow older ull hear people say 40,000 is not a good enough salary . . Cue its all relative . .  this is a classic example where the relativity is related to the individual himself and not even comparison between others . .
Theres the age old adage (love the word dnt ask me why) . .  One man's food another man's poison . .  and that one sentence encompasses my theory . .
Try a day of ur life when u think something bad abt others or think good abt urself; think abt my theory then . . would u do the bad thing in different circumstances . .  wat makes u special when u do the good thing when people are doing better . .  if everyone just thought abt it and stopped judging others life would be simpler . .
Now why this rant . .  been thinking abt getting off my high horse for sometime now . .consider myself privileged that i was lucky enough to take a pg course i love . . it makes it easier for me to study . . i love teaching so it makes it easier again . . so when i see others who have taken courses for other reasons (money, timings, entrance rank etc . ) it bugs me  . .  and i cant control myself and my rant starts . . who i am to judge them is what is going thru my mind . .
i read a lot of books and it bugs me when i see people reading just a few . .  that makes me think i am special and maybe i am . . but again who am i to judge when i dont even remember what i read . .and the fact of the matter is i dont even know what other people read . . i just assume they dont!!!!
So just to ease peoples mind that i only point fingers and because its been bugging me  . .i always point first at myself . . i am aware of my shortcomings and i keep expecting people to be better than me. . . i want my students to make me look stupid  (someday) . . .i would be proud that day...
The hardest thing in the world is not to judge people . . .its basic human behaviour . . most likely it will never change but atleast we can try . . here's to trying.......

The Pursuit of loneliness

Why is it always assumed that a person ’needs’ someone for the rest of their life . . . is Being without a partner that much a struggle . .

What is the ‘need’ .

.. . according to my unnamed friends [ ;) ] - everything from the biological need for intercourse to the biological need to reproduce .

... according to the my biology textbook in school the ultimate goal of life is reproduction . . to put it crudely the NEED to pass on the SEED . .

…. According to me . . . life is what you make out of it . . u could be married with more kids that you can count and still be lonely . . you could have more girlfriends than you can handle in the hope to fill that loneliness inside you . . now these are all theories obviously but the fact of the matter is most people live life in a way they supposedly want and one fine day BOOM arranged marriage . .

…. That brings me to the point of marriage . . why do people actually do it . . is it just to guarantee companionship cos people are so scared of being alone.. . or is it people are scared of dying alone (which is a possibility even if married . no guarantee your spouse outlives you . . then what happens to them if you die they lose their gurantee) . . pretty morbid isn’t it . . that’s why prefer to be alone . . atleast my hypothetical partner wouldn’t have to hear abt me or her dying . . J

Somehow that’s my morbid fantasy . . the smell of my rotting body announces my death to people . . hope my body secretes musk when it putrifies . . J

Coming to personal experience of being alone . . lets see movies alone no prob . . shopping alone no prob . . travelling alone definitely no prob. . the only thing I found relatively tough is eating alone (heavy on pocket if one wants to try lots of dishes J) . .

Now don’t get me wrong its not like I have a problem with the opposite sex . . actually company wise nothing amuses me more. . . but the price of having one around me all the time is too much . . to be specific it takes a toll on them . . not going in to details at this point on that matter (for another rainy day . . you should keep the readers interested . . the morbid thoughts are the hook to get you interested in my personality) . .

So I embark on my lonely road in the pursuit of loneliness. . hope no one hitches a ride . . J

P.S. disjointed text I know . just in a mood to pen something . . and as they say something better than nothing . . . .

And life goes on . . .

Its weird for a 27 year old guy to comment on life as if its over, but sometimes its hard to see what more is left to wait for. Its not me having a death wish its me trying to find a reason to live.

Ya sure the idealistic few say you have to get married, have kids, drive a vehicle [ya i dont know how to . . so what! . . let me see you make cinnamon rolls ;) ] . . .etc etc ... and ya its nice to imagine abt the hundreds of students i will try to change and fail . . (ya maybe a few successes here and there) . . .

The irony of this rant is i actually think i have a good life . . maybe even a full life . . i have seen and done things which lots of people havent . . ya sure there are people who have done more seen more but i guess comparison is not the name of the game. and to think this dialogue started with people not knowing what sesame street is.

The cliches roll on, but ya it is the simple things that you remember as you grow old . . its like i am having my own 'american beauty' moment daily . .(sesame street references to follow) the first time i was compared to oscar (not the film award for the unitiated) . . me being lost in a cross country race in school . . the bhel puri outside my first boarding school . .my principal saying 'have a ball' and me thinking he meant if i had a football . .etc etc

Now i guess the daily exposure (maybe not a good word but cant go back now . . . i try to let the words flow . .) to 18 year olds takes me back . . its funny how you look back and all you can see is others . .past and present included . . Present being the people who are repeating your mistakes and hoping they dont (students take notice) and the past being the people around you and how they reacted to the various situations in our life . .

So the musings get me back to the present . . the fact that we can be happy and sad at the same time, that your stomach can hurt and rumble with hunger at the same time, that you can be alone in a crowd and that a student can stump you with a doubt so dumb that you think you are in primary school and then you ask them a question you don’t even know the answer to . . Life goes on . .

Fear?!? - The Adrian Monk Syndrome

The concept of fear has always fascinated me. How a person who is not scared of anything, goes against authority , fights with a bunch of people is still afraid to tell the truth to his parents.... or in some cases still scared of ghosts...:) (not me... in case you wondering...)
Where i am concerned, have always said i am not scared of dying. Now this seems to be the most common fear out there. For me its more a thing of never having cared about anything to an extent where i will miss it when i die. I think that u are scared of dying only when you have something to lose. Guess havent found that yet... Another thing is people take my ease of saying that i dont mind dying as a negative. somehow they confuse not wanting to live with having a death wish. When i am living i will live to the fullest but i will not regret dying today, tmr or the next day..
Now coming back to the topic of the article, for a guy who is scared of dying i am scared of a lot of things. Taking the risk of sounding repetitive, scared of being ignored, scared of being ordinary, scared of authority, scared of relationships, scared of responsibilities etc etc ..... the list goes on.... Hence this treatise on the concept of fear. Wonder at what level the brain kicks in and makes us scared of something. Guess will have to ask a psychiatrist some day.
Anyway, to the people with all the answers help me out with this conundrum.
P.s. Dexter rocks but still mad men impressing me as far as head to head goes in this season.
Project for the day: Science of sleep... Review tmr.