Ramblings of a lonely man!!

I came up with this quote recently (though don't know if i have heard it before), and the weirdest thing is it just popped into my mind...." I'm so scared of dying alone that it has become my reality".... So someone please tell me why that thought popped into my mind when the choice of remaining alone for the rest of my life is a conscious one. The thought of living alone fascinates me and the thought of not being found 2-3 days after i have died also does... i can just visualise the scenario when the stench of my decaying flesh is the only clue that tells people i am dead. Sorry for the morbid thoughts but somehow whenever i see mad men and i see john hamms brilliant portrayal of don draper i show i feel i am going to end up like that (without all the sex with the hot chicks and definitely without all the booze!!!). The show somehow has the ability to excite me with its brilliance and the same time get me into a really morbid frame of mind. Another brilliant show Dexter has the same effect on me though for completely different reasons (check out both shows if u are reading this.... u wont be dissapointed....note of warning : if u cant identify with what i have written then dont watch mad men it might be slow for u).
Another thing i thought of is, people keep saying that every time a door is closed god opens a door for you. What if the door is the one on your coffin? Is heaven supposed to be the door god opens for u? Or in my case is it hell??? and what if u dont believe in either ... In my case if the coffin door did open either it should have been onto the sets of thriller or atleast into the path of sarah michelle gellar in all her buffy glory. Wouldnt mind getting killed by her all over again....
Guess have run out of morbid things to write abt too... as i ended the last para with the thought of sarah michelle gellar(no way she can ever be a morbid thought) so will leave my audience (even if it is only 1 person) with a question : ' which is more important a shoulder to cry on when u are alive or a shoulder to carry u when u are dead' Ponder on that.....p.s. had to end it on a morbid note.