Fear?!? - The Adrian Monk Syndrome

The concept of fear has always fascinated me. How a person who is not scared of anything, goes against authority , fights with a bunch of people is still afraid to tell the truth to his parents.... or in some cases still scared of ghosts...:) (not me... in case you wondering...)
Where i am concerned, have always said i am not scared of dying. Now this seems to be the most common fear out there. For me its more a thing of never having cared about anything to an extent where i will miss it when i die. I think that u are scared of dying only when you have something to lose. Guess havent found that yet... Another thing is people take my ease of saying that i dont mind dying as a negative. somehow they confuse not wanting to live with having a death wish. When i am living i will live to the fullest but i will not regret dying today, tmr or the next day..
Now coming back to the topic of the article, for a guy who is scared of dying i am scared of a lot of things. Taking the risk of sounding repetitive, scared of being ignored, scared of being ordinary, scared of authority, scared of relationships, scared of responsibilities etc etc ..... the list goes on.... Hence this treatise on the concept of fear. Wonder at what level the brain kicks in and makes us scared of something. Guess will have to ask a psychiatrist some day.
Anyway, to the people with all the answers help me out with this conundrum.
P.s. Dexter rocks but still mad men impressing me as far as head to head goes in this season.
Project for the day: Science of sleep... Review tmr.

The continuation....

The search for inspiration continues..... Have often said that the ultimate goal of life should be happiness. But over time have realized during the pursuit of anything we tend to overlook things on the way. Think of it as a cop chasing a criminal. Pretty sure he doesn’t have time to admire the scenery.
My thought process has changed to the idea of contentment. To live a life without regret. To maximize the use of what I have in my vicinity and stop cribbing about what I don’t have, forgetting what I want and just trying to live with what I need.
My search for inspiration comes from the 'need' not to be ordinary (the fear which mena suvari is possessed with in American beauty). Being ordinary and being ignored are two of my greatest fears. The second one has been a quite a common occurrence in my life and in retrospect most of it has been of my own doing.
So now this contented fool is searching for inspiration even though I know this sentence is dripping with irony. Guess some people never learn.
P.s. Mad men rocks.

Searching for inspiration..........

All my life have been looking for a muse, a source of inspiration, something or someone that makes me want to be abetter person, who makes me reach for the stars, that brings out the 'greatness' in me (dont know what is in 'great' in me but have this theory that every one has something great in them... we are just too busy to recognise it)... Someone who sees that something in me which can put me on a pedastel where noone can reach me in all my 'greatness''.... i guess everyone has dreams of achieving greatness but few achieve it and the 'why' has always bothered me... why do people with obvious talent not reach that point..??? why do people bury there dreams for the sake of others???? Or does the pursiut of greatness give way to the pursuit of happiness??
... to be contd

Ramblings of a lonely man!!

I came up with this quote recently (though don't know if i have heard it before), and the weirdest thing is it just popped into my mind...." I'm so scared of dying alone that it has become my reality".... So someone please tell me why that thought popped into my mind when the choice of remaining alone for the rest of my life is a conscious one. The thought of living alone fascinates me and the thought of not being found 2-3 days after i have died also does... i can just visualise the scenario when the stench of my decaying flesh is the only clue that tells people i am dead. Sorry for the morbid thoughts but somehow whenever i see mad men and i see john hamms brilliant portrayal of don draper i show i feel i am going to end up like that (without all the sex with the hot chicks and definitely without all the booze!!!). The show somehow has the ability to excite me with its brilliance and the same time get me into a really morbid frame of mind. Another brilliant show Dexter has the same effect on me though for completely different reasons (check out both shows if u are reading this.... u wont be dissapointed....note of warning : if u cant identify with what i have written then dont watch mad men it might be slow for u).
Another thing i thought of is, people keep saying that every time a door is closed god opens a door for you. What if the door is the one on your coffin? Is heaven supposed to be the door god opens for u? Or in my case is it hell??? and what if u dont believe in either ... In my case if the coffin door did open either it should have been onto the sets of thriller or atleast into the path of sarah michelle gellar in all her buffy glory. Wouldnt mind getting killed by her all over again....
Guess have run out of morbid things to write abt too... as i ended the last para with the thought of sarah michelle gellar(no way she can ever be a morbid thought) so will leave my audience (even if it is only 1 person) with a question : ' which is more important a shoulder to cry on when u are alive or a shoulder to carry u when u are dead' Ponder on that.....p.s. had to end it on a morbid note.

3 months done, Did i have Fun?

3 months done so am i having fun???? i would have to say YES!!! Teaching turns out to be something that i like and the challenge is always there.... the search for the gleam in a kids eyes when they actually get what u are explaining.... Initial hiccups are obvious; that being nervousness which manifests itself as speed reading and the kids just feel as though they were dodging a bunch of bouncers from Lee. But as they say practice makes perfect and have been trying to slow down so that i can reach the kids... Its a work in progress and hopefully some day i will be having a beautiful mind moment of my own (not the madness to cynics out there !, the scene where he gets pens from everyone).
As to the subject, actually love it now. The quote absence makes the heart grow fonder is pretty tru, 7 years away from anat have made me like the subject much better now. What i end up doing with the subject and how good/bad teacher i turn out to be only time will tell...
Im always in awe of the teachers who can integrate humor (no aqueous/vitreous jokes please) into a lecture to keep everyone awake atleast.... somehow my otherwise humorous mind (i know lot of u despise my 'cheap' jokes, but theres always someone who laughs) deserts me when i am teaching... I guess that too is an acquired talent and as i become confident with the subject maybe other part of my brain will kick in.
Raichur on the other hand will still take some adjusting to do... have not dealt with the summer yet so cant say i have adjusted to Raichur yet. But something i realised ONLY LAST YEAR is that if u dont make lemonade out the lemons life gives you ull end up with spoilt lemons (wat else???).. Making the best of your circumstances is pretty hard to do but striving to maximise what is there... In the greed of trying to be as successful as someone else people forget that there is always someone who is striving to be who you are. I guess thats the twist of life. Ambition isnt bad but not at the cost of everything else in life.
Pretty much run out of word on this post and need to right a somber post too so p.s. i love you...(hate the movie but been hearing the title a lot so thought would use it.